The
Journey of the Magi draft 6 – short version
I’m
skinning up as the phone goes. It’s Cherry.
“Where the fuck are you?” she says
“Home.”
“Well you should be here. Honey’s had her baby and you’re
the fucking godfather, remember?”
“How am I meant to know when she’s dropped?
Magic?”
“Just shut up and get here. I don’t
want her to be alone. I’ve got to get back and feed the kids. Responsibility.
You know about that?”
“Fuck off, Cherry”
“I’ve got to leave in an hour, got
that? Just be here.” She rings off before I can answer back.
I finish the spliff and light up.
Fuck, well, Honey’s dropped her kid and she wants me round. That means she’s
going to get into her heavy stuff, you know, the way women do and there’s just
no answer to it. I can’t deal with that sort of shit on my own, so I phone
Dave. He agrees to come along, but thinks we should bring Simon too. Between
them, they cost me half my blow for the pleasure.
***
We
head down
“What is it with this godfather shit
anyway?” asks Dave. “You fancy her, don’t you?”
“Like fuck. We’re just friends. We talk and
that.”
“Talk? You just want to get into her
pants but she won’t let you. Instead you’ll end up changing the nappies on some
other bloke’s baby. Mug.”
“Aw fuck off man. She’s alright.”
“She’s taking you for a ride. That
friends shit with women doesn’t work.”
“Where’s she live anyway?” asks Simon.
“I need the loo.”
“One of the tower blocks on the
A13.”
“Them? Fuck! I’ll never make it.”
“Go in someone’s garden.”
“I can’t man, I need a shit. It’s a
monster, like I’m gonna give birth myself. Can’t we stop in the pub?”
“We’ll be late.”
“Just for one.”
We head down onto
***
I
am still pretty pissed with Dave after what he said about Honey, so I make him
go to the bar. Honey isn’t like Dave said. For a start I know where she’s
coming from; the whole Father thing, she got smacked about too as a kid, pretty
bad. She can act fucked-up but she’s okay, really. But I didn’t get it when she
told me she was pregnant. If she had it so bad when she was young, why’s she
having a kid? You’d think people would know better.
Simon’s back, and he’s spotted one
of those Chinese DVD sellers in the corner of the pub. “That’s what the kid
needs – a gift!”
“Oh fuck off man, we
don’t have time.”
But it’s too late; Simon
has gestured the bloke over. “Something it can watch when it’s older, point it
the right way in life. What is it – a boy or a girl?”
“I don’t know.”
“What?”
“Cherry put the phone down before I
could ask.”
“Oh. Better get a selection then.”
We sort through the DVDs. Most of it
is porn – sells pretty well in pubs, the Chinese bloke says. There’s other
stuff “for the wives”, which is what we look through. We settle on ‘Commando’
if it’s a boy, ‘Four Weddings’ if it’s a girl and ‘Shaun of the Dead’ just
because it’s a good film. I give the bloke his money and he moves on to the
next table.
“Well, now we’re sorted,” says Simon.
“Anyone want another drink?”
***
We
carry on drinking until we run out of money and have to leave. We cross
Aeroplanes pass over. I imagine all
the business people staring down and seeing beautiful constellations of lights below
them, and really it isn’t anything but us.
It’s serious shit what Honey’s done,
because I know that while some kids grow up to be footballers and have it all,
what the fuck else is there? A job at McDonalds on
I find the door to the right block
and enter the code. We are let in. The hallway smells of piss and there’s
something scrawled on the wall telling everyone to fuck off. This is the kid’s
welcome to the world.
We get in the lift. I hope she knows
what she’s doing, because I sure as fuck don’t.
Jethro Perkins
03/01/05
Minor rev 07/01/05
Minor rev 2 18/01/05